Stop Saying Yes to Sh*t You Don’t Want

There was a time in my life when my calendar looked like a war zone.

Meetings stacked back-to-back. Projects I didn’t even remember agreeing to. Social events I had no energy for. Half the time, I was showing up out of guilt, not desire.
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And the crazy part? Everyone thought I had it together.

The successful woman. The one who could “handle it all.”
But behind the scenes, I was bone-tired.
Not just physically exhausted — soul-tired.

Because every time I said yes to something I didn’t want, I was really saying no to myself.

The “Good Girl” ReflexI used to think saying yes was part of being a good person — a team player, a loving partner, a dependable friend. I built an entire identity around being the one people could count on.
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So even when I didn’t want to do the thing — even when my gut whispered “please don’t” — my mouth said, “Of course!”

I’d smile while agreeing to bake cookies for the fundraiser, take on the extra project, or attend the networking dinner that made me want to crawl under my desk and hide.
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And then I’d lie awake later that night, wondering why I was so resentful.
It’s not that I didn’t care. It’s that I was spending my care on things that didn’t actually matter to me.

My wake-up call came in the middle of a “quick favor.”
You know the kind — the one that’s never actually quick.

A colleague asked me to jump in on a project she’d dropped the ball on.
My instinct screamed no. My people-pleaser smiled and said yes.

That one yes turned into weeks of extra work. Late nights. Stress headaches. Missing time with my family.

And one afternoon, as I sat at my desk staring blankly at my screen, it hit me:
I had created this chaos.
No one else was forcing me. I was the one handing out my time like it was free candy.

That’s when I started what I now call The No Experiment.

For one week, I decided to stop saying yes automatically.
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Before agreeing to anything, I asked myself:

• Do I actually want this?
• Will this matter to me in a month?
• Am I saying yes because I mean it — or because I feel guilty?

The first few times, it felt awkward. My voice shook. I over-explained. I even apologized for saying no (old habits die hard).
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But something magical happened.
No one hated me.
The world didn’t fall apart.
And for the first time in forever, I had breathing room.

When you start saying no to the things you don’t want, you make space for what you do.

I started using that space for things that actually made me happy — slow mornings , writing, time on the porch with my dogs, real downtime.

And guess what? I became better at everything else. More focused. More present. More alive.

Turns out, “no” isn’t mean. It’s medicine.
It’s the reset button for women who’ve been running on obligation for too long.

If you’ve been nodding along, maybe this is your moment too.

This week, try your own No Experiment.
Every time someone asks you for something, pause. Take a breath.

If your body tenses up or your gut says “ugh,” that’s a no — even if your lips are itching to say yes.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
You owe yourself peace.

You’ve already proven you can handle it all.
Now it’s time to prove that you don’t have to.
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Stop saying yes to sh*t you don’t want.
Say yes to you instead.

​🎧 Want to go deeper? Check Out Episode 5 of my podcast, Experiments in Happiness.
➡️ Listen to Stop Saying Yes to Sh*t You Don’t Want​
🎙️ Available on Spotify & YouTube

Let’s stop waiting for happiness.
Let’s experiment with living it—starting now.